First off, introductions.

Meet Baby Emily:

Baby Emily turned up at the farm about six weeks ago. We suspect she is an old lady stuck in a baby’s body, but communication is limited at this stage, so we’ll wait and see. The arrival of Baby Emily has thrown up some post-apocalyptic planning concerns:

1. At present she seems totally incapable of anything, making her a negative on the balance books. She is however really cute. [Belle: cute is valuable!]. We’ve decided to give her a chance, reasoning that when she grows up she can make up for her current laziness.
2. She lacks control of pretty much everything. Head: you’d think she had jelly for a spine, absolutely useless for watch duty, serious eye contact and maintaining her own airway. Bladder and bowels: if the apocalypse comes in the form of some hyperosmia creature then we’re screwed. Legs: seem to have a mind of their own, running away from anything – laughable. Arms: admittedly they have a dramatic cuteness [Belle: cute is valuable!], but reliable grip, steadiness and dexterity – nada.
3. Milk – she wont even consider eating anything else. Since as we don’t have any dairy animals on the farm, Belle had to step up as the only one with lactating mammary glands. Baby Emily has effectively turned Belle into a cow.

I’m a big fan of The Walking Dead; what a grotesque clash of zombie apocalypse and family drama. However, I don’t think Baby Emily and Judith Grimes went to the same survival school. I’m pretty sure Baby Emily would have had us attacked by Zombies at least three times a day.

When she’s hungry, she’s HUNGRY, and poor Belle-Cow has to drop everything to feed her. And, if Belle’s not around, I dive into the freezer for some pre-pumped supplies. The freezer probably wont even work in the post-Apocalypse, and how am I expected to defend the homestead with a baby in one hand and a bottle in the other.

I can’t even take an in-focus selfie:

Hopefully it wont be too long before she can help in the garden…