.

Gorilla Gardening: take one baby gorilla. Dig a hole deep enough so that the bottom of the gorilla’s ear lobes will be covered. Use an organic compost and choose an area with partial sun. Firmly pat down the soil around the Gorilla’s head. Gorillas like to be keep moist, but not soggy. Use well draining soil. New gorilla sprouts can be expected in 10-20 days. Approximately 85 days to harvest.

WARNING: when harvesting, gorillas will be significantly bigger.

***

‘The other gorilla gardening,’ said the worm.

‘Like what my parents do?’ I asked.

‘Bob on,’ said the worm.

‘Oh,’ I said.

***

Guerrilla Gardening (aka stealing plants)

There is bad guerrilla gardening – stealing prized or rare or private plants from public areas.

There is good guerrilla gardening – saving plants that have grown where they should not have grown, and rehoming them.

And, as usual, there is the morally grey guerrilla gardening (MGGG).

Belle and I discovered a beautiful little community garden. With furtive glances, we took a few cuttings from various plants in the garden. My parents would’ve been proud. I hid a bunch of mint in my pocket and snagged some Russian creeping Thyme. Belle snapped off a few sprigs of rosemary and lavender and we made good our escape.

It was MGGG because there was tons of the stuff. Judge me if you must.

I did expect a fat security guard on a golf cart to start shooting at us (these things happen in America), but we made it home without confrontation. I admit to feeling a little guilty, but not as guilty as mailing worms through the US Postal Service.

I’m looking forward to planting them tomorrow.