I recently attended a Wild Foods Workshop at Meanwhile Back in Saluda. When Alan Muskat (popularly know as The Mushroom Man) told us we were going to have lots of conversations with the plants, I knew we’d get along.

Me: hey pretty plant.

Plant: hi there.

Me: Chris, Chris Smith. When you say it fast it sounds like Christmas.

Plant: Hen of the Woods, when you say it fast it sounds like Hen of the Woods. Pleased to meet you.

Me: the pleasure’s all mine, you frilly thing.

Hen of the Woods: [giggles]

Me: what do you get up to when you’re not loitering around wild food foraging workshops?

Hen of the Woods: well- I’m not a show off or anything, but I’m one of America’s top five edible mushrooms.

Me: you just keep impressing. If it’s not too forward of me, can I ask where you live?

Hen of the Woods: [blushing] you know, The Oaks, typically the north side.

Me: I like it, a lady with style. I’d love to take you back to my house for pizza and wine…