Botanical is somewhat redundant in the title to this post. Amy Stewart tells us, in the introduction to The Drunken Botantist, that you can stand in a liqueur store and assign almost everything to a genus and species. However, I’m not talking about the base ingredient that forms the spirit, but a botanical infusion of that spirit….
I Pledge, Never To Buy Bread Again!
There. I said it. It is now written on the internet, so it must be true. At least until the internet goes down, and when that happens buying bread will probably be one of the more minor things to worry about. Why am I pledging to never buy bread again? At a heritage like…
Insights Into Dairy Production
First off, introductions. Meet Baby Emily: Baby Emily turned up at the farm about six weeks ago. We suspect she is an old lady stuck in a baby’s body, but communication is limited at this stage, so we’ll wait and see. The arrival of Baby Emily has thrown up some post-apocalyptic planning concerns: At present…
Mushroom Raised Beds – The King Stropharia!
They grow easily and prolifically and sometimes pretty huge, they taste great and have a cool name. So, when mushrooms take over the world, this one has my allegiance.
An Amateur’s Guide to Killing Your Rooster
Au’revoir, Devon – or in French, Off With His Head! It’s interesting (but coincidental) that I haven’t written a blog post since I killed my rooster, Devon. It’s also interesting (but coincidental) that the first time I write a blog in a while is the day my new chicks hatched (another post, another story). Devon…
Curing Sweet Potatoes in a Tent!
Sweet potatoes must be one of my most favourite vegetables. This was the first year I’d had a chance to grow them; Sow True Seed kindly provided a selection of slips – All Purple Organic, O’Henry and Beauregard. The vines quickly took over the garden, sending out runners like Triffads. I didn’t realise until late on…
Post-Apocalyptic Bantam Blunder
I may have made a post-apocalyptic blunder, but they’re really cute, so what the hell! Meet my pair of Silver Sebright Bantams. The rooster is Bibimbap and the hen is Bowwow (Belle was gracious enough let me get some more chickens, so I was gracious enough to let her name them!). My plan is to…
Lessons in Zombie Survival (if Raccoon = Zombie)
On the 3rd of November I woke up to my 1st wedding anniversary. Forgive the quick slip into epic-fantasy over my traditional post-apocalyptic references, but the morning of my wedding anniversary was somewhat similar to the Red Wedding in the Game of Thrones book, War of the Five Kings by George RR Martin (TV people…
If sunflowers had teeth…
…then this one could have bitten my head off! I’ve read Day of the Triffids by John Wyndam and watched the BBC adaptation and it’s enough to know that I’m glad plants can’t walk (notable exception: walking onion!) and most of them are not carnivorous. Sunflowers may be one of the most anthropomorphized plants out there, a…
Eating the Rooster
…it’s on the internet so it has to happen.ME: Sorry, Devon. Belle says you’ve got to go, so you’ve got to go. DEVON: ME: I know, I know. It’s the crowing, mainly. She’s not keen on the raping either. DEVON: ME: You did nearly kill Lady Leone. DEVON: Me: Fine, be like that. What to…
How To Eat Mushrooms Without Dying
I’ve just finished reading The Dog Stars by Peter Heller. It is a terrifying post-apocalypse book that made me cry on a plane before I was even half way through. It’s all the horrific tension of Cormac McCarthy’s, The Road, but with real, raw emotion. It made me dream of superflu pandemics and quarantine areas,…
Super Coop Part III – The Green Roof!
This chicken coop has taken me a long time to build. Correction: the materials for this chicken coop have taken a long time to find; hands on building time was pretty easy! Sadly the ‘foraged’ trailer that made the super-coop mobile was reclaimed by its owner and the coop is now more of a static…
How I Came To Witness The Amazing Pink Mushroom
Being a Community Relations Manager for EarthFare, Belle gets to hear about things… Belle: there’s a mushroom cultivation workshop happening. Me: when? Belle: today. Me: how much? Belle: donations. Me: you want to go? Belle: working. Me: interesting. The workshop was run by Tradd Cotter of Mushroom Mountain and was excellent. I think most people at…
Nature Eats Nuture
It has recently occurred to me that my nightmares of impending and horrific doom occur daily in the garden. Albeit, on a smaller scale, but terrifying and destructive for the players involved. It’s a warzone out there. Over the course of a week, three different neighbours told me they’d found the remains of a dead chick in their garden….
Cow Manure
Three miles from my house, there is a field full of cows. The field is five feet deep in cow manure. Technically that’s not true. It does not qualify as manure until it is used to fertilise land. So, when I arrived at the cow field, what I was really looking at was a huge…
Growing Potatoes in Straw
I’ve been digging raised beds for weeks. I’ve started making protein shakes out of bananas, peanut butter and chocolate soy milk, just so my body doesn’t fall apart. My soil is pretty much clay; it sticks to the spade and I have to stamp it off like I’m squishing a bug. I’m worried about the…
Wild Mushroom
While cycling in the woods today, Belle asked me: do you think we could survive in the woods. I said: no, we’d starve. I thought, maybe someone like Alan Muskat, the Mushroom Man, could. But I would either poison myself or, more likely, just fail to find enough edible calories. That was before I found…
Sow True Seed
I have a lot to say about this seed company, but for now, just let me give you a glimpse of the future of food: I have some digging to do…
Turning Pallets into Eggs – Part II
It can be hard to plan for an apocalypse. No one seems to know when or what it’ll looks like – or rather, there are just too many options to choose from. However, if you stick with the broad biblical categories of Pestilence, War, Famine and Death, there is one failsafe rule: When those horsemen…
Turning Pallets into Eggs – PART I
From my reading of Stephen King’s, The Stand, I’m making the wild assumption that chickens will survive the apocalypse (they are one of the blessed species). I’m now pleased to report that I’m pretty confident my chicken coop will too. Like the cockroach, it will probably outlive humanity. It’s lucky the Mayans were wrong because…
Nature Beats Nurture
Exciting times – you treat them like ladies and they act like boys… I gave them respectable lady-like names: Devon and Delilah. They only played with other hens; they should not have even been aware of how boy-chickens behave. I restricted their reading material to pro-women pamphlets and Margaret Thatcher’s auto-biography. I swore Deo to…
Backyard Pesto
Some awesome post-Apocalypse skills went into this little jar of green, nutritious delight. First, allow me to rebuff the pesto purists (and Apple Mac’s internal dictionary) by telling you that pesto does not require basil and pine nuts. This is a lie told to you by capitalist grey squirrels who pay red squirrels peanuts to…
Meet The Flock
Lady Leone When Lady Leone first joined my flock she was a square breasted Giant White Jersey who waddled from the weight of her high-corn, meat breeder diet. Reaching the lower roosting bar required a lot of squawking and flapping and a significant amount of fairy dust. No doubt about it – Lady Leone was…
The Very Inspiring Blogger Award
What an interesting concept – a quick Google search reveals no history, no overall winner, no origins. In fact the only thing a Google search shows is a long list of recipients, which is no surprise considering nominees are required to nominate a further 15 blogs. I think this must be the most successful chain…
Herbs for Healthy Hens
One morning, whilst feeding the chickens their breakfast, Lacy pooped by my feet and the poop was wriggling and writhing. I’m not a scatologist, but I knew this wasn’t normal. Worms = nasty! But free ranging chickens get worms, so this isn’t the most interesting part of my story. Interesting Part of My Story: I…
Free P.H.I.L.
FREE Persecuted Hens Into Liberty* In the UK there is a charity called the British Hen Welfare Trust. When battery farmed hens pass their optimum egg laying capacity (18-24 months) they are usually sold for cheap meat or culled – it’s cheaper to buy in a new high laying flock than have less eggs laid…
The Hound and the Hens
This is not the picture I want. Despite the mounting evidence that Deo may be more German Shepherd than not, I still hope to train him as a calm Livestock Guardian Dog. Deo’s destiny is to be a protective force of good against the many chicken-predators – I’ve written it on the internet so it must be true….
Scally-Worms Move to Luxury 5* Accommodation
5* Accommodation Belle and I were given a luxury worm hotel for our wedding. It’s an awesome feet of DIY. The structure is made from plastic fencing off-cuts. The base of the drawers are wire-screen, so the worms can travel from one level to the next. Being top feeders this means once one drawer is…
One-beam Bench from Scrap Wood
Inspired by one commenters comment about Piet Hein Eek on my last Bench Post, I used a little more of my dumpster find to make a one-beam bench: This bench is way easier than the last one, but you do need to be a little careful measuring and drilling the holes (more on measurements below)….
Bumper Harvest at Furman Farm
See Saved by Community Supported Agriculture
My Feta Will Last Forever
A few days ago I froze parsley, but I was concerned that it will melt, wither and die when the electricity fails. Fortunately, my feta will last forever. Forever Feta is really very easy: Into a jar, layer feta cheese, any herbs you think will taste good, pepper and chilli (if you think the post-Apocalypse…
The Last Egg
Me: did the big chicken in the sky let you in? Lucy: Me: still not speaking to me, Luce? Lucy: Me: you know Lucy, we had our differences, but on some level you were always my favourite. You were the biggest chicken with the most beautiful plumage. You laid my first egg – I know…
Preparing for the Apocalypse (or how to freeze parsley)
I met a lovely slightly scary lady who believed the end of society as we know it is pretty dam close – food and transport infrastructures are on the brink of collapse and the fall of government and the economy wont be far behind. Apocalyptic Lady: it wont be long now. Me: the end? Apocalyptic…
Three easy steps to not not getting a puppy
STEP 1. Agree to go to the Humane Society. Me: we’re just looking. Belle: I know. Me: we are not leaving with a dog. Belle: I know. STEP 2. Agree to take an adorable puppy to the ‘bonding room’. Me: we can’t take one home. Belle: I know. Me: you better not fall…
Getting to know ‘Hen of the Woods’
I recently attended a Wild Foods Workshop at Meanwhile Back in Saluda. When Alan Muskat (popularly know as The Mushroom Man) told us we were going to have lots of conversations with the plants, I knew we’d get along. Me: hey pretty plant. Plant: hi there. Me: Chris, Chris Smith. When you say it fast…
Greens for Green Scheme
I was frustrated that the sustainability centre at Furman Farm used plastic bags to give out the CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) food. Speaking to the Farm Manager revealed that it’s consumer driven. So the problem is: how to get people to bring their own bags? In England most supermarkets will now charge you for a…
Saved by Community Supported Agriculture
Buy local. Buy organic. Buy seasonal. Take a bank loan too? You’ll need one. This was my dilema when I moved to Greenville, SC. I wanted to eat the good stuff but it was a struggle to afford it. You say: Grow your own? I say: Yes, yes. I know! In time I’ll have the…
How to find a beautiful bench in the dumpster:
By popular request… that’s not true. Although actually it is the most requested thing on this site. But also the only requested thing on this site. In all honesty I’m writing this for the unfortunately named, Coop Poop. The hardest thing may be finding the pallets. Every time I see a shop or restaurant being…
I found a beautiful bench in a dumpster
I was surprised that someone would throw away such an awesome bench, but then again it had been cunningly disguised as old pallets: RESCUED STORED DECONSTRUCTED STAINED PAINTED VOILA
Chickens Are Free To Range
From Left to Right: Lacy, Lucy and Spacey Two exciting updates on the chicken situation, 1) we now leave their gate open and they explore the entire back yard, and 2) Lacy and Spacey are talking to me! Our typical dialogue: Me: hey ladies. Lacy and Spacey: food food food food food food. Me: hey…
Homemade Refilling Egg Rack
It took our hens a long time to start laying. Lucy was the first and the event was celebrated for days. We cleared a whole shelf in the fridge just for her ‘jumbo’ egg. There was certainly no question of which egg was laid when. A few weeks later and Spacey and Lacy have caught…
Lucy’s Egg vs. Organic Free Range Supermarket Egg
Our first egg from our chickens – how does it compare to the supermarket free range eggs in the fridge? The yolk tasted as good as it looked. Very rich. I think this is because Belle keeps sneaking out and feeding the hens either grapes, apples or bananas. They love…
Worm Farm Mark II [aka Getting it Right]
My worms speak to me with a thousand little voices. As does Google. The big difference is my worms are synchronised and harmonious, whereas Google is a clashing cacophony of cross-information. I built Worm Farm Mark I based on some internet information that turned out to be wrong. I knew it was wrong when all…
Garden Mushrooms
My back garden is host to a panoply of mushrooms: I wonder if any of them are edible? In all likelihood they are more dangerous than the black widow that lives on my bean planter:
Worms – Drowned. Mint – Perished. Spring Onions – Droopy. Chickens – Escaped.
I don’t really know what I’m doing. I’m relying on Google and brief conversations with my worms. So in a way, I suppose this disastrous day was inevitable. I should’ve paid more attention when my parents made me water the garden at home. In no particular order: 1) My entire worm population attempted mass suicide by drowning….
Guerrilla Gardening for Perennial Herbs
. Gorilla Gardening: take one baby gorilla. Dig a hole deep enough so that the bottom of the gorilla’s ear lobes will be covered. Use an organic compost and choose an area with partial sun. Firmly pat down the soil around the Gorilla’s head. Gorillas like to be keep moist, but not soggy. Use well…
How To Make Your Own Green Sprouter
I say: Every body should be growing something edible. You say: But… [insert appropriate excuse about the size/location/inconvenience of your place of residence]. I say: You should start with sprouts – anybody can do it anywhere. You say: I’m a convict in a maximum security prison. I say: Not even a small window sill? You…
Broccoli in a Wooded Raised Bed
I’m a big fan of the brassica family – the plants look awesome. In England my mum had a whole patch of purple sprouting broccoli, cabbage, sprouts and standard broccoli. It was a jungle of leaves that made you want to bite them. In fact this is exactly what happened – the pigeons ate…
Rotating Compost Bin
Belle said I can’t keep buying bags of compost. So I asked the worms, ‘What’s up with the compost production?’ Worms said, in a thousand tiny but synchronised voices, ‘Who the hell do you think we are? Some hybrid monster sandworms from Arrakis?’ ‘Jeez,’ I said. ‘Just asking.’ ‘Well,’ they said. ‘You need to lower…