Au’revoir, Devon – or in French, Off With His Head!
It’s interesting (but coincidental) that I haven’t written a blog post since I killed my rooster, Devon.
It’s also interesting (but coincidental) that the first time I write a blog in a while is the day my new chicks hatched (another post, another story).
Devon was a good rooster apart from two things.
1) He severely wounded one of my hens: Lady Leone was my Giant White Jersey and Devon did not like her. Lady Leone was my only hen with white feathers and she wobbled around with a gargantuan overweight body. So it’s safe to assume Devon was racist and fatist.
2) He chased Belle around the garden and was prone to attacking the neighbours.
Belle: you forgot number three!
Me: number three?
Belle: the noise!
3) She’s right. While I wasn’t bothered directly by the noise of Devon’s early morning alarm call, I was bothered by Belle waking me up at four in the morning to tell me that she was bothered by the noise of Devon’s early morning alarm call.
However, despite the justifications and necessity, I still have moments when I find myself thinking about killing Devon. An overwhelming, residual guilt.
An Amateur’s Guide to Killing Your Rooster
1. Capture the Rooster
2. Make Rooster Calm by Binding Legs and Hanging Upside Down
3. Weaken Your Resolve By Having Your Friend Kill Their Rooster First
My whimsical tone is a coping mechanism for the sadness I still feel over this whole episode. If more people faced the realities of their food system (much worse than my free range rooster’s end) I wonder how it would change sales of McChicken Nuggets.
4. Place Rooster in Homemade Killing Cone (aka sawn off traffic cone)
Note the continued use of the ‘calm’ position as your rooster’s neck is cut. Note also the rooster’s death struggles as he fights to hold onto life (consciously or unconsciously we’ll never know, but the poor guy was definitely jerking as he bled out).
5. Dunk Rooster (Dead) in Boiling Water with a Little Laundry Detergent – 60 Seconds!
6. Pluck, Pluck and Pluck!
7. Once Plucked, The Head Needs To Be Removed – Use A Sharp Knife
At this point you accept that there is little hope for a miraculous return of Devon, plus Devon doesn’t look much like Devon anymore but more like something you’d find shrink wrapped in a supermarket.
9. After The Head and The Feet, It Just Gets Messy
Not so useful instructionally, but we had great instructions and it still went wrong. Basically get all the inside stuff out – be diligent and persevere.
Recipe to Follow!