I Pledge, Never To Buy Bread Again!

There. I said it. It is now written on the internet, so it must be true. At least until the internet goes down, and when that happens buying bread will probably be one of the more minor things to worry about.   Why am I pledging to never buy bread again? At a heritage like…

Insights Into Dairy Production

First off, introductions. Meet Baby Emily: Baby Emily turned up at the farm about six weeks ago. We suspect she is an old lady stuck in a baby’s body, but communication is limited at this stage, so we’ll wait and see. The arrival of Baby Emily has thrown up some post-apocalyptic planning concerns: At present…

An Amateur’s Guide to Killing Your Rooster

Au’revoir, Devon – or in French, Off With His Head! It’s interesting (but coincidental) that I haven’t written a blog post since I killed my rooster, Devon. It’s also interesting (but coincidental) that the first time I write a blog in a while is the day my new chicks hatched (another post, another story). Devon…

Curing Sweet Potatoes in a Tent!

Sweet potatoes must be one of my most favourite vegetables. This was the first year I’d had a chance to grow them; Sow True Seed kindly provided a selection of slips – All Purple Organic, O’Henry and Beauregard. The vines quickly took over the garden, sending out runners like Triffads. I didn’t realise until late on…

Post-Apocalyptic Bantam Blunder

I may have made a post-apocalyptic blunder, but they’re really cute, so what the hell! Meet my pair of Silver Sebright Bantams. The rooster is Bibimbap and the hen is Bowwow (Belle was gracious enough let me get some more chickens, so I was gracious enough to let her name them!). My plan is to…

Lessons in Zombie Survival (if Raccoon = Zombie)

On the 3rd of November I woke up to my 1st wedding anniversary. Forgive the quick slip into epic-fantasy over my traditional post-apocalyptic references, but the morning of my wedding anniversary was somewhat similar to the Red Wedding in the Game of Thrones book, War of the Five Kings by George RR Martin (TV people…

If sunflowers had teeth…

…then this one could have bitten my head off! I’ve read Day of the Triffids by John Wyndam and watched the BBC adaptation and it’s enough to know that I’m glad plants can’t walk (notable exception: walking onion!) and most of them are not carnivorous. Sunflowers may be one of the most anthropomorphized plants out there, a…

Eating the Rooster

…it’s on the internet so it has to happen.ME: Sorry, Devon. Belle says you’ve got to go, so you’ve got to go. DEVON: ME: I know, I know. It’s the crowing, mainly. She’s not keen on the raping either. DEVON: ME: You did nearly kill Lady Leone. DEVON: Me: Fine, be like that. What to…

How To Eat Mushrooms Without Dying

I’ve just finished reading The Dog Stars by Peter Heller. It is a terrifying post-apocalypse book that made me cry on a plane before I was even half way through. It’s all the horrific tension of Cormac McCarthy’s, The Road, but with real, raw emotion. It made me dream of superflu pandemics and quarantine areas,…

Super Coop Part III – The Green Roof!

This chicken coop has taken me a long time to build. Correction: the materials for this chicken coop have taken a long time to find; hands on building time was pretty easy! Sadly the ‘foraged’ trailer that made the super-coop mobile was reclaimed by its owner and the coop is now more of a static…

How I Came To Witness The Amazing Pink Mushroom

Being a Community Relations Manager for EarthFare, Belle gets to hear about things… Belle: there’s a mushroom cultivation workshop happening. Me: when? Belle: today. Me: how much? Belle: donations. Me: you want to go? Belle: working. Me: interesting. The workshop was run by Tradd Cotter of Mushroom Mountain and was excellent. I think most people at…

Nature Eats Nuture

It has recently occurred to me that my nightmares of impending and horrific doom occur daily in the garden. Albeit, on a smaller scale, but terrifying and destructive for the players involved. It’s a warzone out there. Over the course of a week, three different neighbours told me they’d found the remains of a dead chick in their garden….

Cow Manure

Three miles from my house, there is a field full of cows. The field is five feet deep in cow manure. Technically that’s not true. It does not qualify as manure until it is used to fertilise land. So, when I arrived at the cow field, what I was really looking at was a huge…

Growing Potatoes in Straw

I’ve been digging raised beds for weeks. I’ve started making protein shakes out of bananas, peanut butter and chocolate soy milk, just so my body doesn’t fall apart. My soil is pretty much clay; it sticks to the spade and I have to stamp it off like I’m squishing a bug. I’m worried about the…

Wild Mushroom

While cycling in the woods today, Belle asked me: do you think we could survive in the woods. I said: no, we’d starve. I thought, maybe someone like Alan Muskat, the Mushroom Man, could. But I would either poison myself or, more likely, just fail to find enough edible calories. That was before I found…

Sow True Seed

  I have a lot to say about this seed company, but for now, just let me give you a glimpse of the future of food:   I have some digging to do…

Turning Pallets into Eggs – Part II

It can be hard to plan for an apocalypse. No one seems to know when or what it’ll looks like – or rather, there are just too many options to choose from. However, if you stick with the broad biblical categories of Pestilence, War, Famine and Death, there is one failsafe rule: When those horsemen…

Turning Pallets into Eggs – PART I

From my reading of Stephen King’s, The Stand, I’m making the wild assumption that chickens will survive the apocalypse (they are one of the blessed species). I’m now pleased to report that I’m pretty confident my chicken coop will too. Like the cockroach, it will probably outlive humanity. It’s lucky the Mayans were wrong because…

Nature Beats Nurture

Exciting times – you treat them like ladies and they act like boys… I gave them respectable lady-like names: Devon and Delilah. They only played with other hens; they should not have even been aware of how boy-chickens behave. I restricted their reading material to pro-women pamphlets and Margaret Thatcher’s auto-biography. I swore Deo to…

Backyard Pesto

Some awesome post-Apocalypse skills went into this little jar of green, nutritious delight. First, allow me to rebuff the pesto purists (and Apple Mac’s internal dictionary) by telling you that pesto does not require basil and pine nuts. This is a lie told to you by capitalist grey squirrels who pay red squirrels peanuts to…

Meet The Flock

Lady Leone When Lady Leone first joined my flock she was a square breasted Giant White Jersey who waddled from the weight of her high-corn, meat breeder diet. Reaching the lower roosting bar required a lot of squawking and flapping and a significant amount of fairy dust. No doubt about it – Lady Leone was…

The Very Inspiring Blogger Award

What an interesting concept – a quick Google search reveals no history, no overall winner, no origins. In fact the only thing a Google search shows is a long list of recipients, which is no surprise considering nominees are required to nominate a further 15 blogs. I think this must be the most successful chain…